GETTING MARRIED?
Thinking About Prenuptial Agreements?
For anyone who is getting married, embarking on a prenuptial agreement can often be a distressing and disappointing journey. Sometimes the negotiations irreparably damage the impending marriage and may even cause a couple to break up. People considering prenuptial agreements almost invariably face what seems to be an insurmountable task filled with angst. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
The Marriage-Friendly Prenup: How to Create a Thoughtful and Caring Prenuptial Agreement contains ideas and methods for future spouses to find common ground and create positive outcomes for each other when formulating a prenup. It provides guidance on how to mitigate the harm often caused by the usual process of getting a prenup.
The Marriage-Friendly Prenup provides concepts and tools that will help foster creative and collaborative decision-making and mutual problem-solving. This results in better prenups, ones that that can actually increase marital harmony and goodwill.
With a clarity and grace that comes from years of experience helping couples through the pain of divorce, and now, more joyfully, helping couples create healthy prenuptial agreements, Laurie Israel shares her insightful, optimistic, and grounded wisdom on building a strong, healthy marriage, with, or without, a prenup.
The Marriage-Friendly Prenup is a must-read for couples at all stages of their relationship. It is also a vital resource for lawyers, financial advisers, couples’ therapists, clergy, and friends and family of people who are embarking on prenuptial agreements.
The Marriage-Friendly Prenup is not only legally, but financially and emotionally sophisticated, and covers all the most important topics – it is a genuine classic. The book provides solid advice for building a happy life with a new spouse, digs us out of the era of marriage-weakening prenups, and spiritedly charts a new way forward.
Laurie Israel’s analysis adds humanity and generosity of spirit to the inherently emotionally complex and traditionally purely money-focused process and helps spouses to be the best people they can be. Her approach is based on a simple observation that the dynamics around money are inseparable from other interpersonal dynamics. This means that a poorly negotiated prenup can easily cause so much damage that it becomes a tearful roadmap for divorce.
In this accessible, succinct, and surprisingly happy book, the author asks the reader to respect the existing laws on marriage and divorce by understanding them, and not to treat them as “the enemy” but as a guiding template to creating a healthy prenuptial agreement. Laurie Israel capably provides couples with a practical framework for creating agreements that strengthen, rather than weaken, their relationships.
Amazon Reviews:
“A very sensible approach to prenups.”
This book is especially helpful to more mature persons contemplating prenups and marriage. The author carefully uses the word “Generous” to underscore that generosity is a key to a loving, lasting relationship. As a retired pastor, I have seen marriages founder when one or both partners are more selfish than generous. I heartily commend this book”
“Incredibly insightful and practically useful!”
This book has completely transformed not only the way I viewed prenups, but the way I viewed marriage. A must read if you’re getting married. Will update review when I finish book!
Update, Several Years Later: Yup, this book has made a huge difference in our marriage. I can see our marriage having a very different vibe if we had not read this book. I imagine us feeling more like two individuals in a partnership vs us in a marriage. So glad I read it.
“Incredibly insightful and practically useful!”
This book has completely transformed not only the way I viewed prenups, but the way I viewed marriage. A must read if you’re getting married. Will update review when I finish book!
Update, Several Years Later: Yup, this book has made a huge difference in our marriage. I can see our marriage having a very different vibe if we had not read this book. I imagine us feeling more like two individuals in a partnership vs us in a marriage. So glad I read it.
Informative, eloquent.
Recently, upon being exposed to the subject of a prenup, I found this book to broaden my horizons. I had listened to a few podcasts and watched a few videos to understand more about this topic previously. Written by someone who practices law would be helpful & so I ordered this book to learn more about the foundations, cause, and effects of prenup on a relationship. I wanted to have as much information as possible before I apply this subjectively in my life, someday. The author has organized this book well enough for the audience to skip the details (as chapters) that could be unnecessary in their situation. I was impressed with how the author has been eloquent about minute details, providing examples where possible to explain better. I read multiple ideas and ingredients that I had never encountered before, which were brilliant.
“Must read if you’re considering a Cohab, Marriage or Domestic Partnership.”
This book gave me the framework to discuss sensitive issues related to a contract my sig other wants to give to me. He feels like it’s a generous gesture on his part, I feel like it isn’t concrete enough, excludes too much and wont provide for me when I need it most. Because of this book I am able to ask him questions about compassionate “what if” scenarios that have him back to redrafting the entire agreement. I cannot be more appreciative!”
“Insightful and informative.”
Well written, smart and clear useful information. Table of contents and introduction make it easy to choose chapters most relevant to one’s situation. Highly recommend!”
“Very Helpful Book.
Excellent book to help guide your conversations regarding finances leading into marriage.“
“Balanced, detailed, thought provoking.
If you are in the US and considering a prenup, you need this book! This is the third book I’ve read on prenups and hands down the best. There is a lot of legal detail (including about what kinds of agreements are possible in various states). Author approaches the subject very thoughtfully and describes some typical clauses and legal language, and why you might or might not want to go that route. Well reasoned. Not heavy in legalese. Informative. Really enjoyed this book.”
“Most helpful tool during an unexpected stressful time
Happened upon this book as this topic arose in my life unexpectedly. I was so pleasantly surprised to read a point of view that was so similar to my own emotionally, yet coming from an attorney! Ms. Israel’s perspective and knowledge clearly comes from vast experience, caring, and a pragmatic way of looking at potentially corrosive situations. She has helped open my mind to even considering this. I also suspect this book, in its vast scope, will be a useful tool in years to come.”
“Read this book if you are getting married!”
Laurie Israel doesn’t just understand law–she understands people. This book is a must for anyone considering marriage, whether a “prenup” is part of the consideration or not, because what it does is clarify precisely how money and marriage are related. It is no accident that many couples argue about money, and feel empowered or disempowered because of it. Women or men who feel they “don’t need” to consider a prenup, or are excluding it on a moral basis, need to read this book. Compulsively well-written, clear, intelligent, and surprisingly compassionate advice for men or women who marry, at any time of life.”
“Wow, so helpful!”
This book has completely transformed not only the way I viewed prenups, but the way I viewed marriage. A must read if you’re getting married. Will update review when I finish book!”
“Readable and Informative
This clearly written and well organized book introduces readers with no legal background to the ins and outs of prenuptial agreements. More than just a review of legal issues and how-to directions, the book offers thoughtful comment on relevant emotional and moral concerns. The author points out, for instance, that marriage offers both partners certain legal protections: in signing a prenup, one partner is voluntarily renouncing those protections. After reading this book, anyone would think twice about signing a prenup . . . and think twice about asking someone else to sign one.”
Leading Experts’ Reviews:
I spent over 30 years mediating hundreds and hundreds of divorces before I began helping couples negotiate their prenups, and what immediately struck me was how the lawyer-driven process of creating prenups almost guaranteed that the marriage would end in divorce.
Laurie Israel has written a brilliant, much-needed book with detailed, practical advice that shows couples how to avoid this result and negotiate in ways that actually strengthen their marriage.
It is not only legally, but financially and emotionally sophisticated, and covers all the most important topics – it is a genuine classic and deserves a place of honor on every bookshelf.
Kenneth Cloke, Mediator and author of The Magic in Mediation: A Search for Symmetries, Metaphors, and Scale-Free Practices, Santa Monica, California
I wish I had this book 25 years ago. Laurie’s analysis of the prenuptial process is methodical, thorough, insightful and revolutionary. It adds humanity and generosity of spirit to the inherently emotionally complex and traditionally purely money-focused process. It helps bring collaborative law and mediation squarely into the prenuptial process.
Laurie’s style is easy to read, rendering an otherwise heady legal topic accessible to lawyer and lay person alike. Any couple considering a prenuptial agreement or lawyer involved in a prenuptial agreement should read this book.
Oran Kaufman, Esq., Attorney/Mediator, Amherst, Massachusetts
If you, or someone you love, hopes to enter into a healthy marriage — gift them this book! Whether or not they plan to have a prenup, the thought-provoking questions and real life stories shared by Laurie Israel about marriage and prenups can only help.
Too many people approach prenups, and marriage, without examining what they are willing to give to a marriage, and what they hope to get from a marriage. With a clarity and grace that comes from years of experience helping couples through the pain of divorce, and now, more joyfully, helping couples create healthy prenuptial agreements, Laurie Israel shares her insightful, optimistic, and grounded wisdom on building a strong, healthy marriage, with, or without, a prenup.
Karen Van Kooy, Collaborative Lawyer, Mediator. Skylark Law & Mediation, P.C., Southborough, Massachusetts
Laurie Israel has written a wise, compassionate and insightful guidebook for future spouses contemplating their lives together and contemplating a prenuptial agreement. Her approach is based on a simple observation: since dynamics around money are inseparable from other interpersonal dynamics, a poorly negotiated prenup can easily cause such damage it becomes a tearful roadmap for divorce.
The Marriage Friendly Prenup explains how – in the right circumstances, negotiated the right way and with the right terms – a well-crafted prenuptial agreement can actually contribute to the glue that holds a marriage together.
Anyone with good reason to go down the prenup path can benefit from the decades of experience Laurie has distilled into her new book.
Jeffrey Fink, Esq. Kerstein, Coren & Lichtenstein, LLP, Wellesley, Massachusetts
If you believe in the beauty, challenges and complexities of family relationships, and want to support couples to thrive, not just survive, this book is a must-read.
It’s a vital resource for couples at all stages of their relationship – and for the family lawyers, financial advisors and couples’ therapists who can support them. Laurie Israel offers narratives, thought-provoking questions and encouraging tips for sustaining and nourishing relationships.
As a Canadian divorce lawyer and mediator, I share the author’s disdain for boilerplate “risk management” prenups, drafted without any meaningful discussion about the particular couples’ needs and hopes. This book will benefit all families. Thank you for writing it, Laurie Israel!
Jacinta Gallant, Collaborative Lawyer and Mediator. Author of Going Steady Toolkit and creator of Designing Our Future Together, Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada.
The Marriage-Friendly Prenup is the essential manual for any couple considering a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement.
The conventional wisdom is that prenups and postnups destroy trust, foment conflict, and complicate a loving relationship. In this book, author Laurie Israel turns that conventional wisdom on its head and explains how frank discussions and wise agreements can strengthen a marriage.
Laurie is hands-down the most knowledgeable person on the planet regarding prenups and brings to this important work vital experience as a mediator and collaborative law attorney, with expertise in real estate, tax, and estate planning. This is the book I will be recommending to all of my prenup and postnup clients.
David A. Hoffman, Esq., Founder, Boston Law Collaborative, LLC and Lecturer on Law, Harvard Law School, Boston, Massachusetts
With her wonderful new book, “The Marriage-Friendly Prenup,” Laurie Israel helps all readers, professionals and “ordinary people” alike, to understand that the process and terms of a couple’s prenup will reverberate, for good or bad, throughout one’s marriage.
Laurie helps us to understand that the more thoughtful and optimizing the prenup, the greater the likelihood of both a marriage working out and of doing so in optimizing ways. Simply put: the prenup sets the tone for a marriage. Laurie helps us to understand how to most capably set that reverberating tone.
Jim Melamed, Founder and General Counsel for Mediate.com and ODR.com
Chapter List
Table of Contents
The Marriage-Friendly Prenup: How to Create a Thoughtful and Caring Prenuptial Agreement
by Laurie Israel
Introduction
Chapter 1: The Prenup Myth and Why I Changed My Mind About Prenups
Chapter 2:Don’t Believe What the Media or Shadow Parties Are Telling You
Chapter 3:The Problem with Prenups
Chapter 4:People Who Might Benefit from a Prenuptial Agreement
Chapter 5:The Importance of Contribution and Generosity in Marriage
Chapter 6: Paying Off Your Fiancé’s Debts
Chapter 7: Gender-Based Problems in Prenups
Chapter 8: The Hoarding and Control Problem in Prenups
Chapter 9: The Danger of Leaving Out an Inheritance Requirement
Chapter 10: Consideration in Prenups
Chapter 11: Typical Bad Terms in Prenups
Chapter 12: What to Do About Premarital Assets and Inheritances
Chapter 13: Prenups for Children of Wealthy Parents
Chapter 14: Prenups for Business Owners
Chapter 15: Gray Prenups for Second Marriages
Chapter 16: Alimony: Everyone Hates It.
Chapter 17: Are All Prenups Enforceable?
Chapter 18: The Postnuptial Agreement: Handle with Care.
Chapter 19: How to Make Both Parties Happy
Chapter 20: How to Find a Good Prenup Attorney
Chapter 21: Why Mediation Is Usually the Best First Step
About the Author
Acknowledgements
Legal Disclaimer
